LILY`` we were on our knees, praying that disease

[james isaac potter]

rarely, james would enter this room. it was dimly lit with old lanterns, hanging lazily upon a hook. the librarian was occasionally awake, and the room usually smelled like blueberries. the crystal bookshelves reflected james' face as he walked by. messing with his hair as he watched him self, he looked away to sit on the chair closest to him. he sat there, slumping his upper body over the glass table. the sharp glass edge dug into his stomach, so he sat up straight. it had been two months since he had been in contact with lily. it had been two months since he stupidly got drunk and ruined everything. it had been two months since he messed up everything.

it was like hell not talking to her. why? because she was his everything. literally. she helped him become sober. his grades actually RISED when he was with her. without her it was like a circle with no center.

he barely remembered the night. two months ago. it was dark, and all he could remember was waking up on a dirty, floor. james had no recollection of what had happened that night except for the fact that he was drinking that night, and there was a possibility of him getting lily knocked up.

but seriously, they had protection, no? james was certain they were protected. it was two months ago, wouldn't lily say something? james pressed his hands against his forehead, furious. where was sirius when you needed him. where was your best friend when you need to tell him something that is killing your insides.

james decided to get his mind off of things, and possibly start studying for his finals. but every time he stared at his book, something brought his mind back to lily. sometimes james wanted his conscience to just shut up for a while.

he hummed softly to himself for a while. this wasn't possible. so he wasn't going to worry about it. he sat in his seat, slumped over the glass table, looking down at his book. he felt dizzy, reading all these words that he couldn't care less about. 'runespoor fang'... 'powerful in most cases'. james drummed his fingers against the table impatiently, as if he was waiting for something. he sighed, laying his head on the table.

[lily rosalie evans.]

lily stood not so far from james' table, taking care to be silent. he seemed to be engrossed in his book, and she was thankful for that. it allowed her to mull over what she would say to him without having to stall. only the day before, lily had taken a life ruining test and come up with the answer she had expected, though dreaded. she was indeed pregnant. why she had come here without a speech prepared was beyond her. lily was always prepared, her words carefully measured. but when she found out, all she could think about was getting to james. she heard from peter that he was in the library, so lily headed straight there without second thought. now that she had arrived, she was lost for words. that in itself was out of character; lily had never had issues talking to james before.

lily closed her eyes and felt tears welling up behind her eyelids once more. they had always taken everything so slow, always had been so careful. they had even used protection, but sometimes protection failed. now, life was coming at them faster than either of them would like, and faster than james was even aware of at this point.

the worst part about it? they weren't even together.

lily had no idea that when she ended things with james that if and when they were thrown together again, it would be for this reason. just a little guilty conscience on lily's part, and she decided not to string james along any longer. for the past few months she had been harboring a secret affection for james' best friend sirius, and lily couldn't stand the thought of leading james on if there was a possibility that she wanted another.

and now...this. lily placed a hand compulsively on her stomach, which had not yet begun to show, but pulled it away quickly as though she had been burned. she swallowed hard, and approached james' table.

"jam?" she said softly, unable to keep the beginnings of tears from her eyes any longer. they had become glossed with unshed emotion, and his face blurred in front of her. so many things she wanted to say. but not a clue how to convey them to him. she missed him, it was true that she loved him. they had been together so long, that even the familiar sight of him was comforting to her. however she may feel about sirius, she'd rather have james potter by her side at this time than anyone else.

"hey," was all she could summon the courage to say.

[james isaac potter]

james looked up, hearing footsteps, or some sort of movement. he saw the face of his ex girlfriend, and plastered a small smile on his face. her lips moved, and that's what he focused on. "jam?" she said. he looked at her, stress moving off of his chest. he nodded slowly. "hey." lily said after. james chuckled softly, pressing his face in the palms of his hands. he moved his hands through his hair, making his bangs stick up. he was so tired, and it looked like it too. he offered her a small grin, but it loosened off his face.

there was this tension between them, james didn't like it. james sometimes studied people too much. right now, he could tell there was a problem that needed to be resolved. and lily needed to tell him something. this could only mean one thing. and he didn't want to hear what she had to say. it was too frightening. could what his conscience was telling him be true? he felt his stomach squirm inside him, and suddenly felt very uncomfortable with lily around. his quiet chuckle and her greeting quickly died. he shook his hair around, his head spinning.